Making a Goal

Week one status update:

This is harder then I thought it would be. I have definitely had ups and downs this week. I felt pretty lazy over the weekend not doing much in the way of physical activity eating poorly, not getting together with people and not attending church on Sunday. But during the week I stepped up my game and felt better. I biked to and from work (I even invested in a new fancy bike for myself) I opted to look into some challenging physical activities to push myself I enjoyed engaging with friends and co-workers and I have been praying consistently. So definitely a roller coaster but it’s a slow change not one I’m sure I can say I’ve noticed anything significant as of yet.

A goal allows me an incremental way to mark my progress and gives me something to strive towards. However with this being said I am not a highly goal driven, goal oriented person. So I need to come up with a goal that is fluid and adapts to my lifestyle and how I interpret success. So all of my goals become fluid, not fixated and are made up of things I can feel and sense but do not need to meticulously track.

Physical Goal

My physical goal is to feel and look better. Achieving this with a fluid goal can be tricky but I have a strategy…

I plan to take weekly photos of myself as a comparison of where my body is at. I also plan to maintain an active and healthy lifestyle that will allow my body to feel good and function at a higher level. This means higher metabolism, more energy, better sleep and improved performance within the activities I perform.

Emotional Goal

To be more up beat and positive

This one is a little harder to monitor due to the fact that I am your classic hormonal female so for this one I will be relying on others. The way I treat and respond around others is often directly related to my current mood and attitude. The more fun and more pleasant I am the better my emotional state is. The more I want to get out and do things and see people the better I am feeling. So I plan to gauge my success with this goal based on the amount of time I want to spend out and about and my stress level/attitude while I’m interacting in a social environment.

Spiritual Goal

To listen to what God is saying and respond.

To me this goal can not be fluid. To truly listen and respond to God is not an optional thing that I can judge based on how often I hear him or how often I want to hear him. It’s a sense of awareness for his promptings. I plan to try and monitor and gauge this by  writing about it. This allows me a recollection through my days and weeks for how well I’m maintaining an open door policy between myself and God.

 

First blog post

I’m a 25 year old female and I have struggled all my life with body image. Of course like most women I have always found flaws in myself from my weight to my complexion, my height and even the sound of my own voice. I have not been alone in my journey and have had many people over the years encourage and support me always telling me how beautiful I was and that I was a child of God and fearfully and wonderfully made. These words of encouragement along with my own self reflection would help for a time but then a trigger would happen in my life and I’d be right back down to the bottom of the self loathing pit.

I decided to start this blog as a tool both for myself and maybe for others. My goal to see changes  both physically but also emotionally and spiritually. Having written and photo documentation to help prod me along and see things that I may otherwise have not seen in myself.

Physical

I think above all this has always been a major struggle in my life which has then brought me down on a spiritual and mental level. I have never been the thin pretty girl. I distinctly remember always comparing myself to friends and family members and loathing how different I was. A truly low point for me was at a Christian camp where all people are supposed to be loved and respected. With a group of teens however this is not always the case. It was obstacle challenge day and we were randomly divided into groups of both guys and girls to try and perform different challenges around camp. The one challenge was to get six people from one end of the field to the other and only ever having four points of contact on the ground. I can still hear the comment that was made and it makes me cringe “lets not use her she’s too butch”. I knew I wasn’t the skinny small girl but to be called butch and  by a guy hurt more than I can say. I now look back at pictures and that’s who I see the butch girl. The girl who gains muscle instead of becoming lean, who gains weight with even the slightest deviation from my workout routine the girl who will never be skinny. So what do I do about it, I work out. I push myself to my limit, if this is who I am then I am going to try and embrace it head on. Is it easy no, do I fall down sometimes yes. I am definitely no where near perfect or where I want to be. I still look at pictures of myself and cringe but I’m getting there one day at a time and each picture looks a little nicer than the last.

Emotional

Being a “butch” girl shook an adolescent girl like me emotionally and created quite the internal turmoil. Since that day that’s how I’ve viewed myself. It occurred to me that if I’m the butch girl I should go all out and be the butch girl. A good theory, a version of self acceptance, that unfortunately back fired. Being the butch girl to me meant being strong, abrasive and aggressive. I wanted to beat everyone at everything. I lost friends and managed to disconnect myself from family during this time. Hanging out alone became routine and searching for affirmation through conflict became second nature. This personality trait although much improved sticks with me even today. I am highly competitive I voice my opinions strongly and take offense quickly.  It is emotionally strenuous as I compete with other women over looks, popularity and success. Each improvement in my life boosts my esteem only to crash at the next photo or post that someone makes reminding me how inadequate I am and that I will never look like that, talk like that, act like that or be as successful as that. So how do you fight what you feel so you don’t implode? You create a routine to keep yourself from being left alone with your thoughts for too long. I make sure I’m going from the time I wake up to the time I fall asleep. I have created a routine that keeps my brain engaged it is also a very physical routine which releases endorphin’s to help me regulate my mood. Am I perfect at controlling my thoughts and emotions far from it. I struggle daily to keep emotions in check and not fall off the wagon. Moments of calm are often moments for me where a storm brews inside and negative thoughts encroach. All I can do is continue my routine and giving myself positive affirmation. To those I’ve offended or hurt with my crazy mood swings, abrasive attitude and black and white opinions. I hope to make amends and work harder at being a friendly loving person that people are not scared or intimidated to be around.

Spiritual

The most important thing to me is spiritual growth. I was born and raised in a Christian home and have always believed that God is my Savior and that Jesus died for my sins. When the emotional roller-coaster of adolescents hit I began to fall away from what I have always believed. How could there be so much hate in the world. If God loved me why did I feel this way. I started relying on the world to help fix my problems instead of relying on God. I have had moments of transformation where God has re shown himself to me and pulled me out of my sinfulness but self worth is a powerful and easy target for the devil. I pray daily with husband (my support and rock) and I keep a journal so I can keep records of how God truly is moving in my life and the lives of those around me. I hope others will continue to pray and support me as I feel I am being pulled down into another battle with Satan. The battle of self worth constantly raging and making me believe things that I know deep down are not true about myself. God is good and wants what’s best and perfect for me he know me inside and out and knows every day ahead for me I need to continue to push and rely on him and be thankful for who I am and what he has given me.

 

Phillipians 4:4-9

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Temptation is out there.

As a flawed society we are not perfect nor will we ever be until Jesus Christ returns and takes us to heaven and makes us whole and pure with him. The anticipation of this time of perfection is exciting and long awaited but what do we do in the mean time. The interim the waiting and the anticipation can often lead to observation of our world, engagement within our world and temptation by our world. The bible says

“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭26:41‬

But how do we watch in our sinful nature and not fall, we pray and then we pray some more because it could not be our more plainly to us. The flesh these earthly bodies are weak but luckily for us God is strong he’s bigger than anything we face in this world and he has promised to never give us more than we can handle. It is our job in turn to reach out to him for his love and support when our earthly bodies and desires fail us for in his grace to us we can be made strong perfect and holy in his eyes.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John‬ ‭16:33‬ ‭

Loving like He loves

The act of love is hard to define and takes on new meaning for everyone. For some love starts with how others around them view them and treat them for others still it’s more about how much they love themselves. The best kind of love though is the love I strive for. The Agape love that comes from God. His love is complete, fully encompassing, without beginning and without end. It sees through all my hurts and sorrows, it comforts when I am hurting or lonely and it endures through everything. Gods agape love is one that is unmatched and unachievable by us.

My typical definition of love for myself has been to rely on others opinions and treatment of me. I’ve used my interpretation of this “love” for encouragement, self worth, beauty and to help define who I am and how I’m doing. I often felt like who I was as a person was reflected in how other people loved me and how willing they were to show me love. This can have a lot of good attributes, it made me strive to be kinder, more honest, open, caring and to take care of myself so I could in turn take care of others. But the down side of this often became that people’s response to me and how I was treated made my self love diminish. This became then a vicious cycle of me feeling unloved, becoming depressed, anxious and at times manic. This depression and anxiety pushed people away and made me feel even more alone and more unloved. This vicious cycle only seemed to clear when I would refocus on Gods amazing love for me. His love can pull away the depression, the anxiety, the worthless feelings I was having because he loves me right where I am for who I am. This love builds me up and makes me stronger.

As a Christian woman it is my goal to let God’s love direct my path daily in all things I do from how I interact with those around me to what I eat and how I take care of myself. God doesn’t care if my neighbour gave me the cold shoulder, or that I lost my patience with a co-worker. God doesn’t care that I don’t have a six pack or if I have perfectly coiffed hair. God loves me for who I am and what I am. My challenge is to take that love and then reflect it to others around me. There will always be negatives in life’s. People who disappoint you, or don’t show you love the way you deserve. You may always have a zit here, a roll there and you may never achieve earthly perfection in a way that draws in love from those around you. But you can always turn to the one who loves you best and eternally. And by looking to him use that love to motivate yourself to do and be better. I am a long way from where I want to be but I know with Gods help and provision he will love me through it all.

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”
‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:8‬ ‭

“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

The struggle is real

God has a perfect plan and perfect timing I know this full well. Yet here I am fully reliant on God struggling with day to day things because of my circumstance. I had never wanted to be a mom it was never something I longed for or a goal and yet when the decision to permanently take that opportunity away arose I panicked and I wanted nothing more than to be a mom. Now here I am two years later thrilled at the fact that I have my own beautiful child to call my own. And yet I struggle.

My heart is full of love for my daughter. Of that there is no doubt and if she is the only child I ever conceive I will be more than happy. But in this current moment my heart aches. It aches for a life that has not yet been conceived that may not ever be conceived and yet is loved so deeply and fiercely beyond words. How does a parent deal with such an ache? The child I have loves me and fills me to completion she needs me daily and is truly my pride and joy yet my very being longs for another. The struggle is real as I deal with these wants and these emotions not yet fulfilled the struggle is real as I pine for a life not yet conceived. The struggle is real as I yearn for the thing that so many friends and acquaintances have already achieved. Yet in the struggle I am content, I am happy and life is full. I could not want more nor could I imagine more love pouring from me as I look at my baby girl. She is quite literally my heart and soul and I would give anything for her. And so the struggle is real as those less fortunate than I deal with infertility issues and so the struggle is real as those less fortunate than I struggle longer than I have to get pregnant once let alone twice and so the struggle is real as I mourn the loss of babies concieved who never breathed life and the parents that grieve them. The struggle is real as my reality does not line up with Gods plan.

So I wait and I pray for Gods perfect will, timing and plan as I move into a season of waiting and love and looking for his evidence that I may abound in hope, and love through this time.

Runners High

I have been challenging myself over the last two weeks in a running challenge. The challenge in and of Rawls was that I’m not a runner and I dislike running. Day one was tiresome, difficult and my end goal seemed impossible. Day 2 and 3 my distances were further but my times were not where I wanted them to be and I felt sore and exhausted. I took the liberty of taking day 4 off. Day 5 I ran and finally ran my goal distance but not in my goal time. Day 6 was then a discouraged write off Day 7 another disappointing run, Day 8 a bike ride instead of a run. Day 9 a rest day. Day 10 a good run or what felt good but with disappointing results and then today Day 11 we finally had a break through. I was running and the wind was cold I didn’t have enough coverage to block out it’s icy chill as I ran but I pushed on anyways with one goal in mind. I jogged hard and got winded felt disappointed by needing to take a break then pushed harder after. My time felt good, my time felt fast. I hit the ascent of my jog and my heart sank this was gonna set me off pace and slow down my time in a big way. I began and felt tired, alone defeated. I made it to the top not proud of what I’d accomplished but sad and mad at myself for not being able to do better. I pushed on willing my legs to take one more step and then one more. That’s when it hit me the runners high, suddenly I was flying down the side walk and building my pace, my breathing was easy and under control. My limbs warm from the physical exertion I was putting forth and I just kept thinking man these legs of mine are awfully powerful to be able to carry a tired me. I reached my final destination just shy of my goal but this time was not disappointed but elated. My body had done something incredible and I knew it.

That feeling that runners high is what I long for an search for with God as I think many people do. Sometimes when we’re first learning or not really sure what we’re doing the results seem disappointing and we wonder why we’re even bothering to try. All to often we take breaks from God walking away from him perhaps when we need him the most in an effort to protect ourselves and put ourselves back in charge of our lives. But that still small voice calls and we search once again. Then it hits you the high of feeling God, hearing his voice knowing his love for you. And that feeling is like nothing else you’ve experienced. You’re weightless and you gain momentum in your faith. Eventually this high will fade and you may go through disappointing days again. But hold on to those moments when God reveals himself to you and use those to propel yourself forward. Let him be the strength in your legs pushing you towards your goal. We will unfortunately never reach that moment of perfection of true oneness with God until his return but we can continue to look forward to that day and let him carry us in his infinite love and wisdom.

God is good, all the time, and all the time God is good.

“but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40:31‬ ‭

The past can hurt

As wise old rafiki once said “ the past can hurt. But the way I see it You can either run from it… or learn from it.”

I’ve been running from my past. Knowing my flaws my history my mistakes. Dwelling on choices I’ve made and letting them dictate my present and even my future. Why do I do this. Because at the time it senna easier. Running means avoiding, running means no conflict or so I was lead to believe. But running actually means heart ache, pain, secrets, and hole that cannot be filled. I lay awake pondering this and wondering at my past what I’ve been running from and what I can learn from it. I came up with three things.

One is that God needs to be our first priority focusing all our efforts and attentions on him. Anything less is denying ourselves the riches we will one day reap. God is love and full of grace and forgiveness. Those hurts and things I hang onto I can give to him. And just like that it’s the past and it’s forgiven. But this is only helpful if we then learn from the past and stop making the same mistakes. God will forgive and forgive but we need to repent and change the behaviour to make it stick.

Two family is a close second right under God. If my past in any way can be dredged up and cause harm or pain to my family then it must be dealt with. I need to not only be open with them but trust them with my past and my future. Their love and support can help to heal my pain.

Three, all the hobbies and avoidance in the world can’t erase the past. Even if you manage to block it out yourself there will always be someone who may be or is still affected in ways you possibly hadn’t even thought of.

By reprioritizing our lives and how we deal with the past we can improve the way we live and our faith in Christ. Again easier said than done but it.

My Life as a Tower

For some health and well being is a challenge. For others it’s seemingly easy. But regardless of who you are your life is a tower of influences and factors that can affect your health. And a lot of people may look like they have it all together but they are on a wobbly tower with missing pieces or an un-sturdy base.

So how do we achieve a healthy life from base to tip? Start from the inside out. I recently did an amazing course with my moms group called “unstuck” and it’s all about getting your whole self in alignment to achieve an over all sense of health and well being. Let me see if I can simplify it. Does anyone remember those Fisher price rainbow doughnut towers? Well I do. I have one in my house right now and my daughter loves it. We’re currently just in the middle of learning how to put the tower together in the right order. Seems simple enough but if even one of those doughnuts is in the wrong spot the tower cannot be completed or is out of alignment. The same goes for us. Our well being is made up of different layers in a tower and if one piece is out of alignment the whole tower will not go together properly.

I believe everyone’s needs may be different depending on personality body type and emotional state however a few things remain the same no matter who you are. The base or the center pillar in our tower represents your soul. The blue ring at the base your spirit, the green ring your mental well being, the yellow your physical well being, the orange your relational well being and finally the red your well being when it comes to interactions with your external factors that are out of your control (places, news events and things). I put each ring in this order because I feel that it more accurately represents our well being when each ring is out of place.

Our soul the center pillar was made and created by God and is unwavering nothing we can say or do affects the base of us our soul. Then comes our spirit. This can often be confused with the soul because we often use the term spirit and soul interchangeably however this is not the case. Our soul is who we are but our spirit is ours to control. We can choose to be the leaders of our soul and make decision and actions based on our own self this because it does not align with Gods plan for our souls takes us off our base, or we can choose to let God be in control and keep us firmly rooted on our base. Then we have our emotional or mental well being this is how we choose to deal and cope with things on an emotional level. Then we have the physical how well and healthy our body is and operates. We have the relational level which affects our interactions with others both in how we respond to them but also how we let those interactions affect us. And finally we have the external the way we let the environmental things outside of our control affect us.

All of these rings if out of alignment are detrimental to our overall health but the idea of the tower is to illustrate how if one ring is out of place although the other layers might seem like they are in place they are just off of there true alignment or perhaps even sitting out of order or askew. The closer to the base you get with your well being the more harmful those elements can be if they are not healthy and the more they affect other elements and areas of your life. the further from the base you get does not denote a lesser importance but does show how those elements will have a less if an affect on other parts of your health and well being. With that in mind it is not to say that factors from the different layers can not affect lower layers and cause them to come out of alignment its just to say that if the lower layers are already out of alignment the other layers are definitely out of alignment even if just slightly. It also illustrates that when we put certain elements ahead of other elements often times we can be building a wobbly tower that won’t sit strongly because we are too focused on the external factors instead of the internal and the soul factor.

There is so much more I could go into when it comes to this topic and the idea of our life and well being as a tower. If this is something of interest to to you and you want to learn more or go through the unstuck program with me send me a message and we can work through the program together.

When life gives you lemons…

When life give you lemons you make lemonade, or so the saying goes. But maybe that’s not entirely true. Maybe when life gives you lemons it’s ok to just have lemons. Life is hard God made that perfectly clear

““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.””
‭‭John‬ ‭16:33‬ ‭

So what then if we know lemons (hard times) are coming what should we do if not make lemonade. I think the best thing we can do in all circumstances is pray. Sometimes God will answer with good news and give us the ability to make lemonade and sometimes he won’t. It’s not our job to tell God what to do but to pray and wait expectantly. We can apply this principal to all aspects of our lives. Spiritual which is the most obvious, physical and emotional. Let me try and explain

In spiritual war fare when we feel attacked or at odds with God like he just isn’t there. It’s ok to be mad and upset. God is bigger than our anger. But we must also realize that his will is perfect and has a purpose and although we may not see it he has already made good (lemonade) from our seemingly bad situation (lemons). When I remind myself of this it helps me to press on to pray hard and to try and stay positive in spite of my current circumstances.

Emotionally it’s tough to go through bad times and stay cheery which is exactly why I think it’s ok to let those negative emotions out in a healthy and safe way. I don’t think we need to go crazy and act out irrationally but it’s ok to have days where your just sad or mad or wanting some alone time. This emotional response can also act as a release for our bodies to let out some of the those negative stressors afflicting us. This leads me to our final topic.

Physical, this can be very hard to deal with as it is front and center usually and in our face every day from issue with body image to injuries to physical deformities to treatments that cause us to have scars. Physical for me is where I struggle the most I often let myself dwell on the bad things happening and the bad thoughts. this causes me to often have very negative physical emotional and spiritual responses. The key to coping with this that I have not yet mastered is to remember that God made each one of perfect. And that these bodies although amazing and incredible are also flawed and will be nothing compared to the bodies we will receive in heaven some day. So while my physical attributes may bother me and the physical wearing of time on those around me tugs on my heart strings. I will remember that God is on control that this is temporary and his will is perfect even if we don’t always understand or or it’s not what we want.

Our God is an Awesome God

Isn’t God amazing. the way he comes through just when you need him. The way he show up in every circumstance. the way he uses events in your day to day life to grow and strengthen your faith in Him. God is good all the time and all the time God is good.

“Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. For I too was a son to my father, still tender, and cherished by my mother. Then he taught me, and he said to me, “Take hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands, and you will live. Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or turn away from them. Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Cherish her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you. She will give you a garland to grace your head and present you with a glorious crown.” Listen, my son, accept what I say, and the years of your life will be many. I instruct you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble. Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life. Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evildoers. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way. For they cannot rest until they do evil; they are robbed of sleep till they make someone stumble. They eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence. The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day. But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble. My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭4:1-27‬ ‭NIV‬‬

 

This verse is one I found recently that really spoke to me and I thought what better way to share it and directly relate it to my experience. What grabbed me is the urgency with which this Proverb seems to have. It’s an earnestness to reach people and to make them listen and understand. As a fallen world it is so easy to fall victim to evil and to become prey to the wicked. God is saying to constantly refocus on him to lean on him and seek him for wisdom and guidance. He then goes on to share ways in which to do that and states that it is for the health of the whole body/ This for me was just reassurance that the path I am on and the techniques I am using are not ill advised God himself encourages us to use his word and our spiritual growth as a  help for total body health.

So even thought my Faith was not shaken my body not faltering my emotions have not fallen. This verse allowed me to see my God and praise him in a truly new and uplifted way so when trials do arise I will be better equipped.

 

John 15:13

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
‭‭John‬ ‭15:13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

 

what do do you suppose would happen if I loved like this. As I was reading this verse I then went back and read the entire chapter of John 15. What I found was humbling and caused me to stop and think for a moment. My blog, my hobbies, my work and frankly my life have all revolves around me. I like to think I am being selfless and showing love to my friends and those around me but am I really? What if I decided that each action and each activity I do every day was not for me and my benefit but for God and for His glory. What do you supposed would happen then? As I ponder this my sinful nature rebels and I am filled with thoughts like I am doing my best and you already know you’re not perfect so why try. I pray that this new revelation and the truth of God’s word sticks with me. So that even if I stumble (which I will) I will not fall I will continue to seek God first and love the way he intended for me to live. Earlier in John 15:5-6 it says this

““I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.”
‭‭

So it is my goal and my desire to remain in Him so that I may have the ability to bear for Him much fruit.

A final thought. Life will not always be easy there will be good times and bad times trials and accomplishments and through it all God is there and he is faithful. I think now of my sister and her husband especially as they have a new little life with them my nephew Wyatt. I have always struggled to see the good in the world and in life and I feared for Wyatt and his upbringing in today’s day and age with all the corruption and turmoil. But now having met him and having seen the love and joy on his parents faces. I am reminded that even he can be a light in this world and bear fruit. So it is my prayer that moving forward I can help in bringing about a strong lasting faith in Wyatt. That my thoughts and actions would be selfless and loving that through this he would come to develop his own personal relationship with God and that he would grow up to be a God fearing man who loves unconditionally, would die for his friends and is firmly attached to the branch of life which is God and bear much fruit.

“If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.”
‭‭John‬ ‭15:10-11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Sit Back for the Set Back

What a busy time for me. I’m sorry about the delays between entries. This week I wanna focus on set backs. And the importance of the set backs and what we can learn from them vs. just focusing on the negatives.

The past couple of weeks have both been productive and also filled with set backs. The unpredictability, full schedule and changes have affected every aspect of my health spiritually, emotionally and physically and I am learning from and taking it all in stride.

Kevin had a concussion. We had gone out for an innocent tootle on our bikes when while going down hill Kevin’s bike collided with an exposed water pipe right in the middle of the path. The impact threw him into a fence then to the ground. Luckily after getting him all checked out at the hospital the conclusion was that he only suffered a concussion. Which was fortunate considering the force of his fall. This of course had it’s own set of rule and set backs for not only him but my life as well.

So how did we overcome it? First and foremost with God’s help and secondly together. My faith was stretched and tested as that put me from an equal partner with my husband to being a care taker especially during that first week. It meant a lot of early mornings and late nights. A lot of house work and additional duties that were normally split that fell onto me. After that first week it got easier but things were still different. I am happy to report that Kevin has made a full recovery and is functioning normally again. This set back was really positive for me in a lot of ways because it forced me to put my trust in God instead of my own plans. It was also very humbling to see how easily things can change and how fragile we are. I believe God used this circumstance to draw both Kevin and I to Him. I grew in my understanding of God, my trust in God and my patience both with God and in life. This Set back also helped me physically, it pushed me beyond my usual limits and my normal comforts. I continued to work hard, exercise regularly and pick up additional tasks that I normally wouldn’t do. And guess what I survived and although there were long tiring days it was never more than I could handle. It helped me to see that there have been times when I was tired and overwhelmed that I said I can’t, it’s not possible. Thanks to this setback I’m now able to say with God all things are possible and he will never give me more than I can handle.

Mark 10:27 says “Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.””

Emotionally this was a hard time for us as well Kevin struggled with his lack of freedom and physical capabilities and I struggled with the stress of it all. What I learned from it similar to the physical aspect is that I am strong. But I more importantly learned that I often try to depend on myself and take on my problems and the problems of others. I am not quick to let things go and I let the stresses and the emotions stay with me and wear on me longer than necessary.

So overall it was a great growth and learning experience for me. I am certainly not 100% improved from it and will probably struggle in the future with how to deal with similar circumstances and not allow myself to become overwhelmed. I simply pray that God will continue to work in me and through me to give me his fruits of the spirit so that when these circumstances arise I will have  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Galatians 5:22-23
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

I am not a perfect person nowhere close but  using circumstances like this has truly been a God send . It has grown me deeper and stronger in my walk with Him and made me desire to dig deeper. I have been asking some tougher questions and been open to the answers. I’m hoping this will be instrumental in the coming weeks and months as the busy schedule does not appear to be slowing down.